Now I'm back in a job, I think I can speak my mind on the experience of being unemployed, and more particularly on some of my more negative job hunting experiences. I name no names, but hope fervently that when I was on the other side of the interview table, I never behaved like this. Certainly if I ever find myself recruiting again, I shall be scrupulous in giving candidates a fair chance..
Here are my top seven tips for recruiters:
1. If you wish to give your mistress a sinecure, but tiresome HR procedures force you to mount a sham recruitment, be sure to give the game away by kissing her passionately, in full view of other candidates, as you escort her down to reception at the end of her "interview".
2. Don't pay candidates' travel expenses promptly, if at all; the longer you delay, the more likely they are to give up. It does the unemployed good to get out of the house and they should grateful.
3. Ensure staff who meet candidates are briefed to be at their most surly. Nothing prepares a candidate better for an interview than a discourteous reception.
4. Divide the sheep from the goats more effectively with an old buffer on the interview panel who falls asleep. If he (for it was a he in my experience) can do so during the candidate's presentation, even better for morale.
5. Ensure unsuccessful candidates find out their fate accidentally, rather than directly from you. The best way to do this is to ensure they see the post re-advertised as publicly as possible before you can be arsed to tell them anything; they may well telephone you in a state of distress, ensuring great fun all round.
6. Candidates enjoy having to juggle coats and bags while appearing in front of the panel, Make sure there is no opportunity to leave such impedimenta in safe keeping.
7. Interviewing in an open plan office is fun, and privacy is very overrated. Make sure the whole team have the chance to eavesdrop on a candidate's stuttering answers.
And agencies are useless.
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