Artisanal library services served on a bed of dawn-picked baby spinach

I have been preparing documents for an impending inspection. Offering my SAR (Self Assessment Review) and QIP (Quality Improvement Plan) up for criticism, they tell me that I need to pepper my statements with adjectives, in the manner of the worst restaurant menus. I find this difficult. Perhaps it is because of something beaten into me by an English master at school, perhaps a lingering attachment to objectivity that I would be much better off without, but surely ιt is for the inspectors to judge whether our services are in fact high-quality, responsive, state-of-the-art, or deserve any of the other epithets I am urged to use?