In my role as cultural commentator, I have noticed that there seems to be a vogue for films which use Leonard Cohen songs for their titles, witness Take This Waltz and A Thousand Kisses Deep. I mean to exploit this trend before audiences move on to something else, so I have been casting around for possibilities. Even in these relaxed times, I doubt if I could get away with Don't Go Home With Your Hard-on, so I've been thinking of Bird on the Wire. The problem is it's been used, once by Cohen himself, and once, as Bird on a Wire, I was astonished to see, in what looks like a very mediocre vehicle for Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn.
My Bird on the Wire will be very different, a sensitive portrayal of a young woman funambuliste, who plans to find fame by walking a tightrope from the Gherkin to the Shard at the 2012 London Olympics . The villainous Mayor of London, on the orders of an oriental gambling syndicate, tries to sabotage this by tampering with the wire. Will the bird on the wire succeed, or will she fall to her death on the deck of the royal barge, moored underneath?